i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
