So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
A+ Viking dick
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
