if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
