I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
