Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
