Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
