Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
