omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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