So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
