I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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