Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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