I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
