My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
