why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
