LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
