I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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