Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
