So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
