Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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