i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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