waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
FUCK WHALES
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