that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i think my tv is drunk
I skipped work to stalk him.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
