I'm really into asian looking animals
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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