i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
