dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize