The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
