In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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