I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize