I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
