My first STD was from a foam party
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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