Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
