i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
