are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
