why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
