Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
