Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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