he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
