Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
