Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize