So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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