I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
