I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
