you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
