the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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