Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
