My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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