Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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