i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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