i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
