yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
