Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This gyro tastes like lonliness
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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