Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
