what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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