i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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