the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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