He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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