talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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