The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She even gives head with a lisp.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Terrible idea I love it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
