Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
