maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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