Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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