He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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