It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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