Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
