Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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