Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
