her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
