You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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