when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
