No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
