I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
