Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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