this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize