Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
