Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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