So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
