I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
