Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
