Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This can only be settled by a dance off.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
