i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
