i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
