literally had 100 drinks last night.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
