Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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