how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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